Ok, so hear me out. This might get a little rude, but try to follow me all the way to the finish.
I don’t know that I’ve successfully watched an entire episode of “The Biggest Loser” but I get the concept. A bunch of people who are overweight (mostly seriously so) try to lose the most combined weight while doing ridiculous things to entertain people. My problem with the show is that most people only watch it to make fun of obese people and to make themselves feel better about their weight. I feel that the network is exploiting them. That’s just my take, but like I said, hear me out…
So I am also having a weight problem. I just weighed myself with my clothes and shoes on and the scale (that lying bastard of a scale) says that I am 200 pounds even. I’m 5’8″ and my ideal weight is supposed to be like 150 or 145. So, according to my arch-nemesis, I am 50 to 55 pounds overweight. Coincidentally, that’s about the weight of my dog. So somehow it makes me better to make a completely delusional connection with her for blame. Damn bewitched devil dog!!!
Anyway, I am currently starting a diet/exercise routine to shed some pounds. I was thinking to myself, “Hey self, you handsome and awesome self you, if you do this you have to do it right. Don’t just lose ten pounds and then gain it all back.” That somehow led to the thought of me actually trying to stuff myself to gain weight, which then led to my greatest idea ever!
So here is what we do. We get a slew of supermodels and great looking people in the prime of their lives……and we fatten them up. We’ll call it, “The Biggest Gainer” or “The Biggest Losers who Gain Weight”. Now, I realize that my idea stems partly from my spite of people in great shape and partly from my own twisted sense of humor, but come on. Tell me that if there were 30 really fit and good-looking people stuffing their way into a coronary you wouldn’t watch it? Sure, you might not want to admit you’d watch it. Just like when you’re sitting at home watching swamp people and when you come to work all you talk about is the documentary you watched on Discovery, but you’d watch it. I can see you now…sitting on your couch, stuffing your face with popcorn. You disgust me…wait….