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Facebook: The Devil’s Network

I have had many conversations about Facebook with people. Mostly older people who tell me that Facebook is stealing my information and selling it and that my boss will fire me for using it.

I have to address something here. First of all, when you use a browser to connect to the internet, your information is being sold. How do you think companies that make browsers like Mozilla make their money? They track your activity and send the data to third parties. Contrary to what most people have told me, these third parties don’t send the data to a secret evil lab where super-villains plot to sabotage your life and steal your precious earnings. All the information goes to other corporations who like to know where the most energy is, what people are buying, trends, blah, blah, blah. It’s all actually quite boring. Trust me. It’s what I do for a living. Well, part of what I do.

That said, if you’re posting account information, death threats, ridicules of your company or boss, and pictures of yourself topless drinking a margarita while riding a donkey, you should probably reevaluate your social networking guidelines. Also, if you’re spending six hours a day on Facebook or playing Happy Hoppy Bumble Pups (or whatever games you kids play nowadays), don’t be surprised when you get fired.

Some tips to remember when social networking:

1) Do not add coworkers as friends on social network sites. It’s all fun and games until you post that someone is a “funky smelling goat humper” at work. Believe me, as much as they’ll tell you they’re not, most people at work are chatty Cathy’s and the gossip with be spreading around the water-cooler faster than you can say unemployment.

2)Do not post pictures of yourself doing anything that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. If you’ve got some bad ass biker granny that loves to party…well…use another person’s grandmother. One who likes to bake cookies and knit sweaters and tells you to sit your drinks down on the doily coaster she made.

3)Do not post updates when you are drunk or overly-emotional. As a matter of fact, if you are going to be sitting around your house getting tore up like it’s the end of the world, unplug your Ethernet and hide your phone.


Basically, post all the cats, quotes, raptor Jesus memes and  pictures of unicorns mating with dolphins you want (actually…you better skip that last one), but stay away from the three I mentioned previously. Sometimes things you post in a moment of weakness can haunt you for years. If you just can’t help yourself at least do what I do. Create an untraceable alter-ego that can wreak havoc on the interwebz.


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3 thoughts on “Facebook: The Devil’s Network

  1. Hilarious. I don’t believe Facebook is the devils network, but i do believe if your not care you can give your information to devils.( if thats what you want to call them). Great post tho.

  2. With FB, you can make lists of people and then determine who sees what stuff you post. I have one friend who has multiple lists of people, and then she gets annoyed when she thinks she’s posting something that everyone can see but then as it turns out, it was set to private so only she could see it.

    Her;’s my thing- check your settings, people! It’s fine if you want all your pictures and all your information out there. Just don’t come crying when it causes problems later on, like friends getting pissed, prospective employers not hiring you because of what they can see, or current employers firing you because you violated their conduct code.

    I, personally, have a few rules. All personal info is set to “friends.” If I don’t want everyone to have that information- I don’t post it. If I don’t want something accidentally becoming public (like personal information) don’t post it all at, because FB in particular is notorious for changing default settings and things “accidentally” becoming public from time to time.

    My most important rule, though, is if I don’t know someone irl, I don’t have them on my friends list. I don’t post anything I don’t want everyone to see, because the more complicated you make things, the more likely you are to mix things up and end up with a whoops. (this applies especially to email BCCing, too).

    Once you put it out there, it’s out there forever……..

    I personally don’t think FB is evil on its own, but the propensity for things to go wrong is huge. And it can be downright annoying, too. That’s the primary reason I unfriended my family on there….. I figure, if you can’t be bothered to take the time to email or call me and tell things thing to ME, I don’t want to know. Because that crap irritates the heck out of me………… either actually invest time and effort into the relationship, or I don’t need to deal with it…………..

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