The title portrays an inkling that I’m going to be talking about myself. While the internal events I’m going to be liberating are centered around me, I think they apply to all of us. Sure, you might not share some of my traits, but I bet you’ll share at least one. Maybe there is a trait that you have that I don’t. Anyway, this is me. I’m laying it all out for everyone to see.
I am passionately and sometimes obsessively focused on random interests. I will literally spend every waking hour of a week thinking about these things. If my mind tries to stray to something else, it will just be brought right back. You would think that this would lead to great works of literature, music, scientific breakthrough, etc. The problem is that my passion must bear and equally massive foe; my lack of gumption. I burn so brightly that I blind those around me but as quickly as I am illuminated, I fizzle out. Fortunately, I will move on to the next interest, but I always have this unfulfilled feeling. Like I have fractured my life into thousands of shards over time. I wish I could stick with things. I really do. Maybe if I trained myself enough I could, but then I also feel that it goes against the nature of who I am. Most likely, that is why I like blogging, short stories, poems and things. I can do each of these in short spurts that don’t allow me to get bored or tired of the subject.
The list of things I have started and not completed is as follows:
Board Game Creation
Beer Tasting Vlog
I’m sure there are several more things to add to this list, but I don’t have all day to think of my past failed attempts at perseverance. But this is just one trait. How about another one?
I am sometimes overly opinionated. I form these opinions of what I think are sound logic, but more times than not I come back to these a year later and my opinion has changed. My issue with this in the past has been that I would openly voice my opinions to people and sometimes it would really irritate them. I’m getting a lot better about doing things like that, though. I guess the main reason that I feel this is a flaw is that my opinions kind of serve as a buffer between what I hear or see and what I understand. I try to keep an open mind about things, but sometimes I find myself biased because of some event that has taken place. I think it’s hard to look at things completely objectively. Even when you think you are, there are times when a hidden agenda is lurking in the midst.
I am quick to react. If I hear something that upsets me, I will automatically go on the defensive. This is something I’ve been working on recently. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had something happen at work and I put my walls up. Funny enough, if I let myself sit and think about it, a few minutes later I will have a completely different reaction. What I do now is to try to give myself time to think and only respond after I have carefully though it out. There is definitely some difficulty in trying not to react. My reaction is impulsive. Trying to stop a speeding bullet is sometimes easier said than done.
I spend money like it’s going out of style. As soon as my direct deposit hits the bank, I start thinking of things to spend it on. A lot of justification happens in this phase. I set a limit on the price of items, I tell myself that money is just paper and I should spend it because happiness is more important (completely delusional I know…), and I look at it as a source that I have to stretch until my next paycheck. What I should be doing is taking a small amount out and saving it where I can’t touch it. I should be…but I’m not. I mean, I have a 401K and some stocks. But I need to put aside some money for car repairs, emergency bills, etc. I actually think I’ll do this next paycheck.
Okay. Time to stop being so hard on myself. Lets list some good things.
People. I believe in people. Not so much on an individual level ( although I do in a lot of cases) , but on a grand scale scenario. I believe that we will constantly progress to make changes to better our future. That’s not saying that we won’t have setbacks and bodies of people working against us, but our ability to see where we need to be going as a while is, I believe, a greatly undervalued aspect of our species.
I believe that there is something more out there than just the physical world we see. Some people may think of this as a flaw rather than a positive character trait, but I think my ability to still believe in this is a great advantage. There are lots of unknowns out there. I have seen things I can’t explain, although several have tried to reason it out. I think logic and reason have their place, but I also think that when we look at life and existence as a whole using our own logic to understand something that is so vastly bigger than ourselves is faulty logic in itself.
I like to help people. I think it’s our responsibility as humans to lend a helping hand to humans and animals. I see too many people looking the other way when they see people in trouble. That mentality of “It’s not my problem. I’m staying out of it.” is a poor excuse for cowardice. I don’t stick my nose in other people’s problems unless someone is in danger, needs assistance, or it would just be nice to lend my help. I hold the door for ladies, I put the change in my console in the cup of the guy on the corner, I let people go first at stop signs, and I will always smile and say hello when I pass people in the hall a work. That’s just who I am.
Creativity and ingenuity are some of my greatest features. I use them to my advantage in all things I do. I once liked to think that I was the smartest person on the planet. I know that’s not reality now, but I also know that I am competent. That is enough for me. The creativity and ingenuity are icing on the cake.
I’m a good father and husband. I really am. I might sound full of myself, but it’s true. I love my two girls and would do anything for them. They always come first. As far as my wife is concerned, I think about how she feels, I do thinks to make her life easier, and I always let her know how beautiful and unique she is. My family is the greatest asset I have in this world. I invest most of what I have in them because they are more than worth it.
I see beauty and awe in ordinary mundane things. I hope I never lose this. I can look around at something I’ve seen every day and suddenly see it in a different light that turns it into a magnificent artwork. Some of my most brilliant revelations have been on the macroscopic level: ants on a caterpillar, flowers, etc.
So there it is folks…me. It’s not everything, but I think I’ve taken a large chunk out at least. There are a lot of things I need to work on like everyone, but at this point in my life I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am. In the areas where I am inadequate, I’ll try to get better or I’ll just have to come to terms with it. I’m no rock star, Olympian, or billionaire entrepreneur, but I think what I am is enough to be proud of. I hope one day I leave this world better than it was when I came in. That’s all I really aspire to. If we all had the same aspiration, I think we might be looking at a good future for our kids and grand kids.