The Fun Loving Hell Hammer
You’ve probably read the title and tried to guess what this article will be about. Is it about a jubilant viking? Perhaps it is about a personified demonic hammer that just wants to have a good time? I’m sorry to let you down folks, but this is about the culmination of two things I never expected to see: a Nissan Cube and Heavy Metal.
I happened upon it while coming out of a store. There it was, in all of its cubey glory. It’s exterior was white, like the color of purity and valiance. A lot of people don’t really like the Nissan Cube. They probably find it a little too futuristic compared to the average car. Actually, its always reminded me of a fish tank that sat in my childhood dentist’s office. As a result, I can’t help but think about a fish tank on wheels when I see them.
You can imagine then, when I passed the rear window and saw a big bloody “Hell Hammer” written across the back, why I was so taken aback. I really wish I had taken a picture so you would have a visual, but I’m not too quick on my feet I guess. You’ll just have to use your imagination.
I’d like to think the abomination was born out of the two possible outcomes:
1) A husband and wife went to buy a car. The husband was cajoled by his wife to purchase a Cube for her. His vehicle was then damaged, stolen, etc. and he was forced to drive the Cube to work every day. In retaliation he purchased the a fore mentioned decal to help him salvage some of his manhood.
2) Someone from the band Hell Hammer won a Nissan Cube in a contest.
I’m sure there are other possibilities, including the reality where the car’s name is actually Hell Hammer and it was forged in the depths of Mordor with brimstone and all that is evil. Though its fun to think about, I’m doubting so due to the hula-skirt bobble head sitting on the dash.