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Don’t Hire Me

You probably don’t want to…trust me. Well, not unless you have the right job. It’s not that I’m not a hard worker. I’m a very hard worker. Let me explain.

I’ve been many things in my lifetime. Let’s start with a list of jobs that I’ve held, in order:

Movie Concessions sales (I was 16 or 17 and it was my first job)

Pizza Delivery Guy (First job after getting my own car)

Navy Nuclear Mechanic on a submarine(Good job, but the people sucked)

Oil Pipe Cleaner(shitty pay and I was on my feet all day)

A/C Technician(For a day…then I didn’t show back up because my first day was spent in an attic filled with fleas.  I had prior and still-going experience though as this is what my dad does for a living and I often help him)

Core Sample Cutter/Laboratory Technician(I worked for an company that cut core samples and analyzed the oil content for oil companies)

CNC Machine Operator/Mechanical Break Operator(People at the job called me “Hollywood”)

Waiter for an Italian Restaurant (I backslid a little here…and gained 50 pounds)

Basic Maintenance/Office Assistant for VW of America(Great people, shitty pay)

Data Analyst/Data Analyst Supervisor/Applications Specialist(My current role and longest lasting job of 4 years and some change)


I feel that is a pretty long list. I have a lot of skills in a lot of areas. The problem, however, is that I haven’t really been happy in a lot of these jobs. Actually, I was happy in a few but the ones that made me really happy either interfered too much with my life or didn’t pay me enough. They ones where I was paid really well were the ones that I didn’t like (including my current job).

I started thinking recently that I need to change. I don’t want to do something that I hate for the rest of my life. I mean, do most people just do things that they do not enjoy because it pays the bills or do they only settle for something that they love? I can’t be one of those people who goes through life doing something I don’t like. I have been doing it for long enough and I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’ve wasted my time and made myself unhappy with my professional life.

I guess I’m writing this now because I’ve ran out of ideas. I have no money and shitty credit so I can’t just open my own business. Even if I did have these things (come on lottery), I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do. I know I don’t want to do what I’m doing now.

These are the qualifications I want my “ideal job” to entail:


Work with my hands

Make good money

Probably not need a degree above associates to start (since I don’t have anything else)

Ability to create something…anything


Something I can be proud of


Those are the criteria for my ideal job. I’m open for suggestions. Come one life, throw me a bone!





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15 thoughts on “Don’t Hire Me

  1. What about writing Nuke, you are good at it.

    • Yeah. I mean, I would love to just write and have it as a source of income, but no one is paying me yet. You want to buy this comment for a dollar?

      • Yeah, good point, I don’t know. Your short stories are good. Have you tried submitting anything to publishers? Also, there is some website, hold on…

  2. Your ideal job could have been prostitution until you got to something you could be proud of.

    I’ve been in my job for 15 years, no more chance of promotion. In a company of 8 people if you don’t own the company you pretty much reach a limit. But it’s busy and I earn a good wage and crucially I never get bored. Oh, and I can blog during the day and I never have to shave and I can wear what I want, and I can come in with a hangover, these things are pretty important to me, I would hate a job where it’s stressful and I take work home with me.

    • Where do you work? I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Well, not really because you are too far away. But I’ll have my UK people be there in 15 minutes to keep my seat warm.

  3. Here is a good post from Benzeknees about jobs, still looking for other link:

    • Thanks for the link, lol. I know it’s a lot about perspective, but I’m wasting my time here. I need to move on. I just can’t quit because my family depends on my income…so I’ll have to search until I get something that allows me to quit. Hopefully I’m not searching for the rest of my life.

      • There is something out there that has ad slogans or whatever. You submit your idea, and it basically goes up for a bid. the best answer or whatever gets the job. It is a pay per job thing. I am trying to find it.

  4. You are following my bad side right? Just in case, I am commenting to all my followers this:

    You, as one of my followers, are cordially invited to my darker and a little more personal blog:

  5. The golden handcuffs. We start making a certain amount, then have to go to a crappy job to maintain the income.
    If you figure out the bottom of your income need, it will open up more opportunities to you.
    I’m wrestling with the same thing now. If I come up with an answer, I’ll let you know…

  6. Do you like to be outside? Maybe some type of parks & recreation worker? A Park Ranger, a person who plants trees, a person who mows lawns in a park or plants flowers in parks? This can be a worthwhile occupation & if you get in with a county or state it can also pay rather decently.

  7. That sounds like my criteria, ‘cept that I’m not limited to my hands. I’d create something with my tongue if I can and it would be something to be proud of. Spitballs are all I have managed, though. But cheer up comrade, the bone always goes to the dog who makes a bitch out of his master! Whatever that means.

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