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Archive for the month “May, 2012”

Don’t Hire Me

You probably don’t want to…trust me. Well, not unless you have the right job. It’s not that I’m not a hard worker. I’m a very hard worker. Let me explain.

I’ve been many things in my lifetime. Let’s start with a list of jobs that I’ve held, in order:

Movie Concessions sales (I was 16 or 17 and it was my first job)

Pizza Delivery Guy (First job after getting my own car)

Navy Nuclear Mechanic on a submarine(Good job, but the people sucked)

Oil Pipe Cleaner(shitty pay and I was on my feet all day)

A/C Technician(For a day…then I didn’t show back up because my first day was spent in an attic filled with fleas.  I had prior and still-going experience though as this is what my dad does for a living and I often help him)

Core Sample Cutter/Laboratory Technician(I worked for an company that cut core samples and analyzed the oil content for oil companies)

CNC Machine Operator/Mechanical Break Operator(People at the job called me “Hollywood”)

Waiter for an Italian Restaurant (I backslid a little here…and gained 50 pounds)

Basic Maintenance/Office Assistant for VW of America(Great people, shitty pay)

Data Analyst/Data Analyst Supervisor/Applications Specialist(My current role and longest lasting job of 4 years and some change)


I feel that is a pretty long list. I have a lot of skills in a lot of areas. The problem, however, is that I haven’t really been happy in a lot of these jobs. Actually, I was happy in a few but the ones that made me really happy either interfered too much with my life or didn’t pay me enough. They ones where I was paid really well were the ones that I didn’t like (including my current job).

I started thinking recently that I need to change. I don’t want to do something that I hate for the rest of my life. I mean, do most people just do things that they do not enjoy because it pays the bills or do they only settle for something that they love? I can’t be one of those people who goes through life doing something I don’t like. I have been doing it for long enough and I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’ve wasted my time and made myself unhappy with my professional life.

I guess I’m writing this now because I’ve ran out of ideas. I have no money and shitty credit so I can’t just open my own business. Even if I did have these things (come on lottery), I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do. I know I don’t want to do what I’m doing now.

These are the qualifications I want my “ideal job” to entail:


Work with my hands

Make good money

Probably not need a degree above associates to start (since I don’t have anything else)

Ability to create something…anything


Something I can be proud of


Those are the criteria for my ideal job. I’m open for suggestions. Come one life, throw me a bone!





It’s a Crazy, Crazy Reality Out There

So, I came to a shocking realization today. My goal some time ago was to go against the grain and dive into the world of philosophy, art, literature, etc. Today, I took a look around and all I’m seeing are people doing the same thing.

Now, I’m not sure if this is because the world in which I’m diving into has fully engulfed me and I have lost all my objectivity because the walls are painted in that which I seek to define or if people in general are just moving toward that area.

I’d like to believe that my generation is just taking over and that we are peering into the beginning of a new age, but I’m thinking I might just be fooling myself. Or perhaps it is the older age that is trying to veil my environment with what they seek to accomplish. Maybe their media outlets are barraging my senses with a false reality. Or better yet…maybe I never had a reality in the first place and its just  a fractured mirror residing in the void of my mind.

I might have just blown someone’s mind back there. Let me reel it in…If this is the dawning of a new age and our world is becoming one that is ensnared by art, beauty, music, and free-thinking, I am in complete bliss. That is all that I ever wished for the world. If it’s just my imagination…then I guess I’ll surround myself with disillusion until I die. I’d rather flourish in an alternate reality than coexist in one I don’t enjoy.

Perhaps that was a bit pessimistic and pedantic of me. After all, in the end it all boils down to the simple statement “It is what it is”.

Let’s Get Them Dollars, Let’s Make This Money…

In case anyone has noticed a slight drop in the rate at which I am writing, it’s because I’m trying to find new ways to make money and I’m just busy with my current job.

A few days ago I was searching the job posts when I came across a job that read, “Make Money Blogging”. I was totally siked because I already blog…so technically I would be making money just doing what I’m already doing. Now if I could only find someone to pay me to drive to work, listen to music, and sleep…

So, I clicked on this job posting and it led me to a Hubpages website. I’m not a big believer that money is earned easy so I was very skeptical. Wait! Before you stop reading thinking I’m trying to sell you some money blogging scheme, I’m not. I’m not even sure I’m going to keep doing it. So the way you earn money is by Google AdSense. Apparently I have to whore my articles out to make a few spare pennies. Luckily, I’m an easy blogger. All it takes is a title to get me into the sack.

Also, I was notified after my first post that I cannot post the posts I normally post here. That means, I can only post things like recipes, how-tos, and self-help crap. Not my ideal way to earn money, but I had a job posting articles for at one point, so I might as well give it a shot.

Don’t worry, I’ll still be reading all your wonderful posts and posting here a lot because I can only write so many articles about fixing toilets or growing banana peppers before I get bored.

Fire Up The Bass Cannon…

…If you survive this, a higher existence awaits you…


I love dubstep and I don’t care who knows it. I just love it. The drops, the beats, the way the music just resonates in my soul. If it were a woman, I would marry it…twice.

I honestly can’t see why anyone wouldn’t like it, but it seems that most of the people around me scoff at my dubstep music. They act like I’m listening to two squirrels having sex. I just get these weird looks and most of my friends want me to change the music to something more mainstream.

Well no more! I will keep my dubstep and you will listen to it or you will exit my vehicle. Except my wife, she gets whatever she want…

I also like pretty much every other type of music. There isn’t much I don’t like, but the way that dubstep and electronic music in general focuses on the music and the musical elements is completely amazing. Its like liquid life being poured in through my ears. If you don’t like it and have never tried it, I offer the following:



Choose Me

Run You Down


My challenge to you is to just put on some good heaphones (or speakers), close your eyes, and just explore these three songs. They are a bit of a mix, but see how each one resonates. Try to keep an open mind and just leave all your prejudices behind. Just let the music take you.

If you don’t like it, that’s okay. But at least try it out. Everyone has their own taste and I understand that mine probably speaks to a minority rather than a majority.


Money Goes Digital

Well, Canadian money at least…

“Wait!”, you say, “Money has been digital for a while!” Oh no, my friends. While money has been represented in your bank accounts and through purchasing items as a digital number, the value has actually been liquidated in a paper (and very tangible) form.

With the current economic woes, the Canadian central bank has decided to go a new direction. MintChip. The difference between it and other predecessors such as BitCoin are that MintChip is based strictly on actual Canadian currency, rather than some decentralized digital currency.

In order to gain some traction, they have proposed a challenge to developers. The challenge is to create a software infrastructure showing how best MintChip can be utilized. Basically, they are skipping all the ad campaigns and market testing in order to push their product out faster and with less cost to them. I, personally, am okay with the fact of relying on competition and human ingenuity, but what does a digital currency mean for the future of our currency (or at least Canada’s currency)?

Well, as stated by it’s founders MintChip reaches several areas that are currently either inaccessible by today’s currency or that have major faults. With MintChip, you have an online store of money. This is different from current methods as it does not rely on transfers, credits, etc. You simply purchase goods or services based on the amount of your MintChip stockpile and it’s instantly paid for. This reduces a lot of areas where there are fees from bank transfers.

Don’t go handing in all your paper at once, though. This idea has been run through the gauntlet several times and, so far, has failed to catch on. Only time and application will tell if MintChip will survive to see the light of day. Also, I might add, that MintChip gets its name from its MicroSD proposed format.What’s that you say? Money carried around on a MicroSD card or accessed from a remote Chip? You betcha. (You might want to throw out those pants with the holes in the pockets…)

In my opinion, we’re all heading that way regardless. It’s only a matter of time before we stop wasting materials to print currency and transfer them totally into the digital realm. I believe it will then only be a matter of time before we are on one world currency. I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one though. Not with all the inflation and deflation of individual countries. Getting the world on the same page is not an easy task, nor one that has EVER been tackled.

Still, MintChip’s progress should be interesting to watch.

I Got the 3 AM Blues!

Well, not blues….what color means “couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned until I finally gave up and logged on”? Probably maroon. That seems like a color that wouldn’t let me sleep. Damn maroon.

So, I’d like to restate my title to: “I Got the 3 AM Maroons!

Well, the good thing about waking up this early is that I got to read that happinessisnotadisease nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. So a big thank you to her!

Also, I’m a really fast typer and I think I’m waking up everyone in my house with my clickity-clacks. Oh well, misery enjoys company right? We can all be up at 3AM. Maybe we’ll go to Denny’s or something. I wonder how many dirty looks I’d get when I walk in with my 1 year old and 4 year old into Denny’s at 3AM. Probably none. I’m sure they’ve seen worse. Although, I’d run into the bar crowd….on second thought I’ll just lull them back to sleep and suffer alone.

The good thing about 3AM is that I get to read all the news before anyone is awake. Now I get a jump start on all my witty and informative “water-cooler talk” for the office. Well, maybe not. It seems that the world was boring while I slept. Figures.

There is one piece of news I see. Apparently, the first ever drag queen bowling establishment was opened today. I didn’t know there was a big push by drag queens to bowl but apparently it’s all the rage in those circles. Actually, it’s more of a “come watch drag queens while you bowl thing”. It’s just run by drag queens. They are expecting a large heterosexual and non-dressinglikeachick clientel. This begs two questions:

1) Was there a high demand for a drag queen bowling spectacle? I’m guessing so or they wouldn’t have opened it. That’s Vegas for you. I bet it makes a shit ton of money too. I really should invent some really bizarre fetish/sport place to cash in on. Maybe midgets (vertically challenged) who serve pancakes on roller skates? Or a hockey arena where all the contenders are old men in diapers? I can see it now the Zamboni would have a big “Geritol” written across it.

2)Where are they getting all these drag queens from? Probably local shows. I don’t know, maybe there is like a drag queen mafia I don’t know about. I bet there is. The seedy underbelly of the drag queen world. For some reason saying underbelly and drag queen in the same sentence is not appealing to me. But I bet they have a ring leader who has a beehive hairdo and keeps a gun stashed somewhere in it. That’s one organized crime family I don’t want to mess with. They probably turn all their victims into Lucille Ball look-a-likes. Scary stuff man….scary stuff….


Well, good morning and I’m going to now go into a slight staring coma. I’ll just be here drooling on my keyboard and staring helplessly at the screen if you need me.

Sicko de Mayo

Ugh…Um sick dooday.

Why am I writing like that, you ask? It’s because my body decided that it would be fun to congest every whole north of my shoulders. Perhaps it is throwing it’s own mucusy Cinco De Mayo party. I can’t be too hard on it, it does work hard all year digesting the crap I throw in it and filtering out all the alcohol. Maybe it deserves this more than I do…

I’m gently hacking and coughing while my body is having the time of it’s life. I guess I’m going to be the designated driver today.

That’s okay though, I’ll just sit back and catch up on my reading and episodes of Frozen Planet. Later, my wife decided to watch the two terrors across the street. Let me give you some insight into these two. I once saw them having a “pants down race” as they streaked down the street with their pants around their ankles screaming “My balls, My balls!” I guess that’s something little boys do….I don’t remember doing that, but I probably blocked it out with all the other memories.

Also, these two sit in their front yard until I get home and the second I drive in they run up to me with a thousand questions. They follow me all the way to the door and ask if they can come in to play with my daughter.

No. The two ball bandits cannot hang out with my daughter. As a matter of fact, I’m going to let my dogs out and they’re going to eat you ALIVE!!! I’m just talking tough now. None of that happens. I politely dismiss them and tell them to come back later. They do, about 6 times before I finally let them in to play.

They’re not bad kids really. They just don’t have a male role-model. Their dad skipped town with some 20 year old Malaysian girl and their mom remarried some guy who lives in a different house most of the time. It’s not their fault, I understand. Don’t get me wrong, they’re really, really annoying, but they are nice to my daughters and they behave themselves around them for the most part.

So, to all my followers and just general readers out there who celebrate cinco de mayo, I hope your day is filled with culture, fun, and lets not forget….booze. Lots and lots of mind-numbing booze….which I can’t drink….bastards…

Rub it in why don’t you!


Korea Garden Restaurant

So, I had posted some time back about my upcoming micro-travels in Houston. Unfortunately for me, Houston completely sucks for finding anything but food. I’m not giving up. Let that be clear. But for now I’ve resigned to include local places to eat. I’m not talking about chains that you can find all over the country. I am going to only be showcasing local places that interest me.

Now it’s time for #1, Korea Garden Restaurant

This place was great. To be honest, I didn’t expect much. It was a building in the middle of a shopping strip of other Korean places. When I say Korean places, I don’t mean food (although they could be). I am talking about buildings with Korean characters that I cannot read. I’m sure one place was a laundry mat and the other was a karaoke bar.

How did I just decide to go here, you might ask. Well, I have this friend who was in the Air Force. He was actually a linguist and lived in South Korea. During his time there he picked up a love for the food.

When we went in, he didn’t even look at the menu. He opened his mouth and shocked me when he spoke Korean. I knew he spoke Korean, but for some reason seeing this little white guy with a beard speak Korean is still shocking. Anyway, he ordered some unknown food and I sat patiently waiting.

I was a little scared. I had no clue what I was about to eat but there was a big metal grill in front of me. Turns out he had ordered spicy cold noodles and BBQ pork. Apparently, you cook your own meat at the grill.

While we waited he told me about this little old lady who owned a small place in Korea that was about 12 foot by 8 foot and she had a kitchen on one side and a cot on the other with a couple of tables in the middle. This lady lived here and at all hours of the night people would wake her up and she’d invite them in and cook for them. That was how she made her living. In the back she had a little garden and farm where she would get the vegetables and meat. Talk about efficiency.

Finally, the food came to the table. It was a feast…

I was kind of intimidated by some of the things. I didn’t know what a lot of it was and, although I could ask my friend what it was, telling me it was a Korean pear or a potato in sauce did not fully relate how it would taste. Luckily, I am brave when it comes to trying new things.

After tasting a little bit of each, I was pleasantly surprised. There wasn’t a single thing that I didn’t care for. Also, I was instructed that I was to take a lettuce leaf, and put some meat and other things in it, roll it up, and eat it like that. Apparently in Korea each bite is proceeded with a drink of Soju, which I am told is like Korean Sake.

That Soju tidbit brought us into another tale. Apparently riot police and rioters carry around these large wooden rods that they beat the crap out of each other with. He said he had seen a drunk Air Force guy once get his shins and forearms busted up after creating a scene. Korean culture is very respectful. Pushing that boundary is dangerous.

I am writing this now, completely stuffed. I also might add that my friend was kind enough to pick up the tab. I would recommend this place to anyone living or visiting Houston.

Muhammed Ali meets Crackhead

You’ve heard about my drives home in previous posts. I think the reason I have so many interesting events happen is because I live in a huge metropolitan city that is now ranked the most diverse in the country. Also, I take the route home that leads me right through town and it’s over an hour drive one way.

There is a guy who I see every day. This guy actually stands on the corner that I turn on to go to my house. I’ll post a picture tomorrow or tonight because I know he’ll be there today flailing his arms wildly.(Never mind…apparently the guy has a whole Facebook fan page with video but no one has ever attempted to talk to him: Epic Boxing Man)

I’m not sure exactly what is up with this guy, but I have to think it’s a combination of mental problems, a boxing history, and possibly drugs. In my great love for you viewers, I might get up the nerve to talk to this guy and get a backstory for a future blog, but I’m not sure I want to go anywhere close to him?

Why, you ask? Well, for hours, and I mean hours he stands on the corner on a busy street and just fights imaginary people. I would call it shadow boxing, but this guy spins and ducks imaginary punches and all kinds of stuff.

If you’ve followed the above link, you know that he is actually dressed pretty decent. He’s not homeless. I once saw him walking to his apartment and even saw him driving a car which was gold, had a bunch of Winnie-The-Pooh stuffed animals in the back and said “Pooh” on the license plate. So this guy not only fights invisible people but also has a pooh fetish. Actually, that didn’t sound right….

Okay, I’ve just made up my mind. I’m going to get an interview with the guy today. You, my loyal followers, are going to get the first-ever interview with this, apparently, famous character. I will probably have to wear headgear when approaching him, but so be it. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow it’s probably because this guy killed me. If that is the case my will blog will reads as follows:


The Hobbler: To my hobbly, bug phobia’d friend I leave all my comments in their entirety. I hope that you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy posting them.

Benzeknees: To you I leave my keyboard. It has random food particles and probably some hair, but with a good cleaning those should come right out. Also…the tab key sticks a little.

jenn: I leave you my professional headshots I had taken when I was trying out for American Idol. FYI, foot puppetry is apparently not a real thing, not is it worthy of television air time.

and last but not least…

Nifti: To you I give the greatest gift of all, a child’s laughter. I keep him locked up in the shed out back. He enjoys knock knock jokes, riddles, and tickling. The child food is in the bag under the desk.


To everyone else (who I have not forgotten), I leave this ultimate word of wisdom:

“Only confess to it if you are the only other person in the elevator.”

WTH Bro Bro?

It’s probably dangerous posting this stuff out here knowing that my co-worker could access this via my Facebook page if he really wanted to but, meh. I’ll deal with the consequences when/if they happen.

So this fucking guy…(links to happinessisnotadisease’s rant on cussing)

Yesterday, I’m stuck at work doing all the monthly reporting and what-not because this guy wanted to be a douche and stay home. Now, I wake up hacking up lung butter and text to tell him I’m thinking about going to the doctor. He texts back, “Don’t give me that shit man.”

First off…I hope someone force-feeds you barbed wire and you have to shit it out (too much?) I don’t really hope that. That’s a horrible thing to say, but I do dislike your attempt to call me out. On top of that, you’re the same guy that told the women in our office that they are like horses. I kid you not, this guy actually told them that they are like horses because they don’t know their boundaries and if you don’t keep them in line they will always be a problem.

Look guy, its okay to have radical opinions but the workplace is not the place to voice them. When you went around telling people that you have a house full of AKs then immediately after talk about “taking care of the presidential race” yourself, you probably got entered into the Homeland Security website by one of the people around you.

Don’t get me wrong, you’re a cool guy and we have a lot in common, but you’re also a complete pretentious ass who needs to know when to keep his mouth shut. I don’t want to hear about how you hate the Democrats and think Europe is a piece of shit anymore. Can’t we all just get a long, guy? Does everything you read on the news have to turn into a worldwide catastrophe?

Ok, I’m ranting a bit. Sorry. You just have to realize that I sit about 10 feet from this guy and have to listen to him talk about 2 out of the 8 hours I am at work. That is, when he’s not sending me links to news articles about how (insert country here) is trying to control our minds.

I’ll have to post something else to offset my bitchy ranting this morning. Maybe you should have just skipped this one and read that one. I’ll make it a lot more pleasant, I promise.

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