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Archive for the month “February, 2014”

Best of the Worst or Worst of the Best?

I sometimes struggle with my station in life. More specifically my position at work. I could care less whether I have a mansion, yacht, and a couple of sports cars sitting in my garage. To be honest, I wouldn’t want those things even if I had the money. If I had a billion dollars I’d probably fix up the house I’m living in now a bit, buy a new truck and SUV and buy a small fishing boat. The rest of the money I’d use to travel the world and experience life. But I’m getting off topic….

At my job I am a lowly lab technician with part of an engineering degree. The department I work in is very prestigious and my boss has a PHD from MIT in physics, as do most of the people I speak with on a daily basis via telephone conference. I find myself sometimes frustrated when I got to read a research paper on something involving my job and some of the mathematical terms and applications don’t quite make sense to me.

The good thing is that most other departments that are in the building are not as prestigious and so I am not constantly reminded of my own inability to understand. Also, the fact that I am making progress in my understanding is encouraging. The question this has brought me to is this. Would I rather stay in my department and be the lowest on the totem pole for the foreseeable future or would I rather transfer to another department and be the shining star?

Inevitable it brought me to my own conclusion which is that I would not feel challenged in another department and therefore I would quickly grow bored. I am definitely better under pressure and I thrive in adversity. So there you have it. But as a point of interest, what would you do?


What’s In A Man

Before I get all of your hopes up, this isn’t a guessing game where you try to discover what is inside some poor chaps body cavities. This is just a catch up from all of the recent soul searching and extracurricular activities I’ve partaken in. Also, as an aside, this could aptly be titled, “What’s in a person” but me being a man I decided on aforementioned title. Ladies…my apologies.

I can remember stumbling around blindly in the dark, reaching for something to discern me from the gelatinous mass of human flesh and thought swirling about me in my everyday life. I’ve tried poetry, blogging *cough cough*, and copious other things that were supposed to fill this void and conform me to a great brick in the primordial wall of life. But the mortar never held. Again I would tumble to the ground and reach, hand-over-hand, for my way. 

To be honest, I really never stopped to think what I was looking for. I just wanted something to fill my time and make me feel productive and like I was a contributing factor. On this day, I can be honest in saying that I will never be a complete entity, in that I will never reach perfection or satisfaction of being. This might sound pessimistic to you, but it is the greatest thing that has ever befallen me.

In our realization of our own imperfection and inability to reach perfection only can we appreciate the greater goal and scheme of life. As it was once said, it is not the destination, but the journey. At one time I thought this meant that we are all going to the same place and the goal is to have as much fun and experience as you can before you get there. While I can still attest to the validity of experiences as a meaningful part of life, I now have a deeper understanding of the saying.

We truly are as clay to be molded and like clay each stroke and caress of the hand leaves an impression. The beauty of the clay is not that it can be formed but that the form is not persistent. Over time clay feels the same universal effects as everything else. It sags, withers, and generally loses and rigidity cast upon it. While this is true in a physical sense, in a spiritual and intangible sense is where it is most profound.

As we grow, so does our understanding and as our understanding changes, so does our perception. We are constantly evolving our outlook and ideas so that while we remain one constant vessel, the rest of the world and our internal sea of indemnity placates to our evolution. And this brings me to my original point (in case any of you were wondering where my ranting was going). 

I have realized that my life is my personal growth and striving toward my ideal of perfection as I understand it at any one time and my ability to leave the least negative and greatest positive impression on the outward world while doing so. In doing this I am in a sense always at a singularity of perfection at any given moment and do not need to exert undue energy to step from one stone to another but adversely only have to gently wade and focus my thoughts and being in a positive direction. There is truly beauty in the art of gentleness.

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