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So I took my daughters to a cocaine party…

Relax. While there was cocaine, it was at a Chili’s so I really feel that they were ultimately responsible. Let me explain.

Tuesday night at Chili’s was “Daddy Daughter Night” where you could bring your daughters and decorate a frame with a picture they took of you at the table (which they didn’t have for some reason). They did, however, have candy and balloons and charge me .99 cents for “table entertainment”. The last table entertainment I got cost much more than .99 cents so I guess I shouldn’t complain. But table entertainment, really? It’s not like they juggled our food or worst costumes. In reality this was just making up for the cost of the candy and balloons which were “given” to us. Cheapskates….

But that wasn’t the exciting part.

Upon leaving the restaurant with my girls we stopped to let their balloons go like two mono-tentacled squids drifting into a sea of darkness. I know, its going to end up as liter or choke a pigeon, or whatever else balloons do, but my wife is deathly afraid of balloons for some reason (She crawled under a doorway that had balloons at the top at a friends party once) so I couldn’t bring them home to her. After that, we started to walk to the car when I noticed a small bag of grandmothers wacky powder lying on the sidewalk. I stared for a few seconds to see if I was seeing correctly because it was about 300 dollars worth of cocaine (or so I’m told). My next thought was, “I need to get this off the sidewalk before the other children coming out think its candy and pick it up”.

This is where my dilemma started. If I picked it up, I was putting myself in a lot of danger if the right person saw me. On top of that I couldn’t find a place to put it. I thought about putting it in the bushes next to the building. I thought about putting it in a trashcan, but there were none outside. What I did do was knock on the fire exit to get the waitress to come out so I could explain. Unfortunately, she could not open the door without sounding the alarm so she went all the way to the front and wanted me to come to her. At about that time, I saw three little children also coming out of the same door. That was when I decided to pick it up and take it to the waitress. When I got to the door I didn’t really know what to say. Here’s how the conversation went:

Waitress: “Is everything okay?”

Me: “No, not really. I found something but I’m not really sure what to do with it. I just don’t want any children to pick it up.”

Waitress: looks down and sees what I have and, mouth agape, just says “uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh” for about 5 seconds.

Me: “Could you get a manager or throw this away?”

Waitress: “Sure, I’ll throw it away….” At this point she takes my bag full of my children’s candy to try to hide the small sack of cocaine. I take it back and force her to hold just the cocaine in her hand. In hind sight, I should have given her the bag of candy, I just reacted thinking about one of my children crying all the way home about her candy bag.

Now I’m not sure if she really threw it away or if she just thought she got the best tip she’s ever received, but either way I took the drugs off the streets for one night. Score one for the good guys. Well, that was until my wife yelled at me for picking it up….


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